juliajieunkim

Few weeks back, I ventured on a solo trip to Bali for 4 weeks – with the intention to find some presence, and to do something soley for me. I captured bits and pieces on my iPhone and cameras, with the intention to create a vlog style video. I wasn’t really sure if i’d actually end up editing and creating something – because perfection strikes hard for me when I make videos, and I end up in flight mode, give up or don’t even try to start it.

This time it’s a little different. Just like this website and the non-poems I am writing, I am creating for a different purpose and a different audience.

For me.

Creating for me.

Doing it for me, and only for me, and no other reason.

Doing it for future me to revisit memories from my youth, doing it for present me who has fun creating things for future me. It’s a beautiful cycle.

And with that spirit, I had so much fun creating this video. Usually, my mind is loud and the critic in me comes out in full force. But because now I am creating for me, and for noone else, I am in flow and it’s just pure joy. And there is nothing more empowering than that.

Overflowing,
it’s pouring out.
Small moments
of care
and affection—
that you’re thinking
of me,
like you feel comfortable
around me.
It makes my heart flutter.

Then there’s this presence—
a quiet embrace,
like I’m being held
and I don’t need
to do anything.
It wraps around me
like a warm blanket,
or a bowl of warm soup.

When you look at me,
I didn’t know
I’d been waiting
for someone to see me
the way you see me.
It moves me
and makes me feel loved.
The little bit of attention—
seeing you wait for me to answer,
just so you can hear me,
with no agendas
and no outcome,
just to hear me—
gives me hope
there are people like you
who exist.

I didn’t know
I needed this,
so thank you
for showing me
what matters to me.

There’s something quite deep
Deep inside my heart
That I want to share so badly—
Something that’s taken me
Perhaps a little too long.

Not long ago,
I found the little kid
I didn’t know I had,
Dormant
Inside of me.

It was like a dream—
Dopamine high,
Playing on the seesaw,
Doing silly things,
Laughing and laughing.

I remember the times
I’d draw on your face,
Or you’d draw on mine,
And we’d just laugh and laugh
Till the sun set.

These memories
We co-created,
I hold them very close—
Right next to my heart.

I never got to express
How much you mean to me.
It’s only now I can say—
I’m so lucky
I had you beside me.

Even though we don’t
See each other much these days,
I want you to know
You’re still a part of me,
Close to my heart.