My purpose is to be me.
To be me when I am alone
To be me when I am with others
To be me as I move through life.
My purpose is to be me.
Which means to only say yes
When it’s a hell yes
And say no when it’s a no.
My purpose is to be me.
And when I
write
draw
sing
edit
film
dance
speak
feel
walk
travel –
I am creating.
My purpose is to be me.
And when I create
I am in connection with myself
And I can be me.
it’s not “bad” to feel overwhelmed.. there’s no shame in that feeling. If you want to achieve big goals or shift something big, its a non-negotiable, obvious, no brainer, pre-requisite and part-of-the-package feeling, so accept the overwhelm and ride it as it will pass.
Sore for a while now
and for longer
than usual.
Shows I’ve been ignoring
the signs
for a while now.
Now you are loud,
consuming my days.
What are you saying?
You have always flared,
and still I eat
and expect you to cope.
Just figure it out
you’ll be fine
just put on a heat pack.
You are always talkingto me
yet somehow
I still rely on my mind.
Maybe it’s time
to listen
to you first.
I finally found a way –
To express
The enormous
Flow
A storm of all my
Feelings
Fears
Joy
Excitement
Love
Pain
And sadness
Through words
In a way
That I never knew
I could.
I finally found a way –
To express
All the things
I want to say
Right now
So badly
To another
And to be heard
In the way
I want to heard
Giving me the freedom
I’ve been looking for
For a long time.
I finally found a way –
To store
And to capture
All the things
I want to say
So badly
And to be heard
In the way
I want to heard
Giving me the freedom
I’ve been looking for
For a long time.
And that another
Includes me
From the future
Who can open this gift who
So badly needed
To hear
What they
Needed to hear
And all the things
I wanted to say
So badly
From my past self
Perhaps giving me freedom
I may be looking for
For a long time.
I wanted to tell you
About this way
That I recently found
Because you create art
And I am curious
If you also feel
The same way
That your art
Is a way –
Similar to the way
That I found
That written words
Are to me.
I would love to hear
What you have say
From what you heard me say.
And I also wanted to say
Thank you
For being someone
I want to express to
Today
As it is a gift to give
To you
And a gift
To give to me.
when I think I’m connected with people,
I feel safe.
when I think I’m connected with others,
I feel safe.
when I think I’m understood and seen by others,
I feel safe.
when I think I’m connected with all this,
I feel safe.
when I think I’m comfortable with others,
I feel safe.
when I think I understand someone,
I feel safe.
when I’m connected to myself,
I don’t know what I feel —
but I’m guessing it’s grounded, present,
and comfortable exactly where I am.
so when I am feeling grounded, present, and comfortable,
let that be a reminder
that I am free being me.
Today I am grieving
For the little girl
Who was left behind
And needed to hear
That they tried their best
And did everything they could
To be with her.
Today I am feeling
All the feelings
That the little girl didn’t feel,
Who was left behind
And needed to hear
That they tried their best
And did everything they could
To be with her.
Today I am taking care
Of this little girl
Who is thirsty for water,
Who is hungry for food,
Who has sockless, cold feet,
Who needs to be
With someone
Who will hear,
With someone
Who will give her space
To cry,
Feel safe,
And not feel alone.
Today I’m taking a day off
To take care of the little girl
Who so needs to be held,
Who needs my presence
Instead of doing my usual
Everyday things
That I don’t think twice
To question.
Today I’m making a choice
To put the little girl first,
Because the little girl is here
Inside of me,
Waiting,
To not be left behind,
And who needs to hear
That I’m trying my best
To do everything I can
To be with her.
Being there for someone,
to give presence and contribute,
is something I allow myself to do —
because it’s something I probably needed
when I felt alone.
And it was getting blurry for me —
whether I’m doing it for me
or doing it for you.
You told me twice,
in different ways,
that you wanted me
to spend time with me —
as that’s something I’d shared with you
I was needing.
Now that I’m alone,
doing things for me,
I’m reminded of what it feels like
to put myself first
and care for my body.
It’s clear to me now
that you felt sad
because it matters to you
that I show you —
and to me,
that I matter to me.
So thank you for your care.
I feel so grateful
that you didn’t just stop the connection,
but instead expressed to me
what was alive in you.
Your reminder
reminded me that
I also need care —
and that care for you,
and care for me,
can coexist.
Few weeks back, I ventured on a solo trip to Bali for 4 weeks – with the intention to find some presence, and to do something soley for me. I captured bits and pieces on my iPhone and cameras, with the intention to create a vlog style video. I wasn’t really sure if i’d actually end up editing and creating something – because perfection strikes hard for me when I make videos, and I end up in flight mode, give up or don’t even try to start it.
This time it’s a little different. Just like this website and the non-poems I am writing, I am creating for a different purpose and a different audience.
For me.
Creating for me.
Doing it for me, and only for me, and no other reason.
Doing it for future me to revisit memories from my youth, doing it for present me who has fun creating things for future me. It’s a beautiful cycle.
And with that spirit, I had so much fun creating this video. Usually, my mind is loud and the critic in me comes out in full force. But because now I am creating for me, and for noone else, I am in flow and it’s just pure joy. And there is nothing more empowering than that.
Overflowing,
it’s pouring out.
Small moments
of care
and affection—
that you’re thinking
of me,
like you feel comfortable
around me.
It makes my heart flutter.
Then there’s this presence—
a quiet embrace,
like I’m being held
and I don’t need
to do anything.
It wraps around me
like a warm blanket,
or a bowl of warm soup.
When you look at me,
I didn’t know
I’d been waiting
for someone to see me
the way you see me.
It moves me
and makes me feel loved.
The little bit of attention—
seeing you wait for me to answer,
just so you can hear me,
with no agendas
and no outcome,
just to hear me—
gives me hope
there are people like you
who exist.
I didn’t know
I needed this,
so thank you
for showing me
what matters to me.
There’s something quite deep
Deep inside my heart
That I want to share so badly—
Something that’s taken me
Perhaps a little too long.
Not long ago,
I found the little kid
I didn’t know I had,
Dormant
Inside of me.
It was like a dream—
Dopamine high,
Playing on the seesaw,
Doing silly things,
Laughing and laughing.
I remember the times
I’d draw on your face,
Or you’d draw on mine,
And we’d just laugh and laugh
Till the sun set.
These memories
We co-created,
I hold them very close—
Right next to my heart.
I never got to express
How much you mean to me.
It’s only now I can say—
I’m so lucky
I had you beside me.
Even though we don’t
See each other much these days,
I want you to know
You’re still a part of me,
Close to my heart.